Howdy Stranger, youve stumbled upon my mini blog, i wont be sharin nothing to personal but i will be sharing my website journey, dreams and thoughts so tune in if so inclined..

ANOTHERBLOG

Date: 07/04/26

Mood: Gritty

Its a summer

Alot has happened since my last entry, the trip i had was amazing, and i was very bold swimming in that river, i truly did surprise the shit out of myself, didnt even think twice, but why was that the best thing ever tho, to swim freely in the water, and swim to my hearts content. it was a time, i even jumped off a rope hahahahhaha, RIVER LYFE ahahhahaha... i GET IT.
Although the trip was something to remember even the drive back home, getting a flat and literally asking the town for a jack ahahahhahahaha... when we arrived back home tho, the days after that did not feel real anymore, Lost a friend to SS... and that was Heavy, weird and heavy...
time has felt weird, but in a way that event pursued me to finish a painting and focus so hard, instead of dissociating. weird time.

However tho i finished the painting and i finished it exactly on my Actual Birthday..

i wanna talk about how symbolic that peice came out, i started it i think when i lived in my last Apt 2024-5 i think? i probably have it written down somewhere..
anyways

Its a blue being holding a cig, in content, at peace, or so it looks by her expression and the way she is sitting in a relaxed pose, Chillin..
she is High up overlooking a kingdom, observing it looks like another being is about to join her, for there is a hand and some long ears, but the figure is not showen. but she knows them, thats why they are approching, thats why she is still at peace.
in the distance there is a Castle in the sky, that has steps leading to the front gates, it looks close but far. thier are lamps guiding the steps on the path, and there are 7 distant roof tops, perhaps resembling side quests before getting to the destination.
and the sky is black with a purple moon, with some mystical clouds around it.
it looks like a chill night for the victors.

the symbolism how ever is defined by the choice in colors and numbers showed in the image. i was completely fascinated by the coincidence of these images because i simply just went in going with the flow of the space. i had a previous sketch, but as i painted on things, things changed and morphed.

from defining the symbolism behind this painting the Name came through

THE ATTAINMENT OF A DREAM in cancer

i cryed, i thought the coincidence in that was very beautiful

here is the meaning:

Blue is the color of Truth and Clarity

the figures being blue portrays truth and clarity, not one person but two. living in that. so Innately these beings are pure beings, as representations of truth and clarity.

Red + Orange are the colors of passion and the Material

and those are the colors that surround the castle in the sky.
representing, goals and a future, not just a dream but something attainable, there is a clear path with lights on the path and all, and it looks as if this was the blue beings dream, as she smokes and watches this kingdom from a far. her destination, her dream.. but also the 7 other roofs we see before arriving to this dream, are simply red roofs 7 of them, 7 passions perhaps, 7 deadly sins? 7 is the number of Possibilities, and because 3 which = Heaven and 4 which = Earth together making 7= Brings the potential to Manifest Heaven down to earth, To manifest the Ideal.

the Moon is purple, Purple represents the Intuition.

it being in the sky, i feel like it says being led by intuition.

On the castle there are 8 roofs, 8 symbolizes Change Renewal, and Stability

that being represented by the roofs of the castle in sky, is very ideal and feeds more into the idea and the coincidence of this painting. chasing a dream, chasing stability, chasing change. and it being offered as a reward at the end of the path.

there are 6 triangle windows and also the number 6 appears in the smoke trail of the blue being as she smokes her cigarette, 6 symbolizing Harmony and imporovement.

the number 9 also appears in the blue beings smoke trail, 9 = Intensity

when i thought of the 69 in the blue beings smoke trail, i thought of perhaps the relationship she has. the other blue being is unidentified, but thier relationship is signified by 69, tones of sexuality and passion, but it balances out, both choosing to improve together and choose Harmony. while still having an intense connection, a primal connection.

weird because i think this digs into my psyche.
also i would of not been able to find these connections if it wasnt for tarot.
tarot guided me. and it was Ace of wands that made me see this.

I loove and will always continue to love.....

Date: 06/17/26

Mood: Pretty Alright

Summer 2k26

Its summer, or Technically its not summer until the summer solstice, which is happening this sat, which i also booked a trip this sat, i am celebrating my B-Day by going to a spring, i love that it aligned with summer solstice, because my b-day aint actually until the 28th, i just planned it early, because i had plans but u know things dont always go as planned, hahaha, but we adjust, and we thrive, im just excited to spend time with my friends. thus month has been interesting so far, and ive been taking my studing seriously since alot of things have not been aligning the way they should. im taking this time to grow and advance my skills, to see where they can take me in the long run. bigger picture moment

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Date: 06/03/26

Mood: feeling like somethin is missin

B-day Month

Its My birthday month, times been flying and ive been trying to use it to my advantage. unemployment, heartbreak lowkey, and fun times, lifes a lil bit of everything right now, sleepless nights, and no late phone calls, i miss having a land line, and everyday i want to throw my phone in the TRASH. but i guess im in need of it for business purposes. i used to think about what kinda things were going on in the backrooms, but now i feel like everyone is dead inside, i think its other countries that have it going on, most def not where im from, smoking and taking long walks, and non stop sweating. whats a grl got to do?

Lots of goals, and time feels like it ends, whats a grl got to do? im just trynna use my time wisely and get the thought of love out my mind, i just want to focus so hard i lose track of wanting anyone. oh to be a human, i hate the rat race, i hate instagram, i hate men, and i hate living in america, i also hate money, where does that leave me? hating "essential things" lets remove the word hate and replace it with STRONGLY DISLIKE, living in ameerica is like being stuck in a cycle of endless bullshit, but yet you play the game so well, im trying not to be to pessimistic, but when i think about it, thats where i flow... im glad tho that pessimism isnt in my thought rotation, hahaha my thought rotation is so funny rn, makes me laugh, truly...

anyways..
its my b-day month, and for the first time in years now, i actually wanna have a get together. and bring all my friends together, and have FUN,
I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN
truly, i just want to have a grand ol time, and im hoping that everything aligns for me in a timely manner, things have been offered to me, and i wanna say YES, but i wanna get my shit together before i do, being away for a while, has changed somethin in me, and im not rushing no more, but my goals are pushing at me! and i like that tho! i kinda want to scream
but i know everything will work out, My cards have told me so.
right now i just have no other choice then to think of the grind, and that sucks because the world is so fucked and i hate, STRONGLY DISLIKE, the leaders of the world, but money makes the world go round, and you need it for everything, geeeeeeeez, but one step at a time. the grind and a mix of having fun ugh

But yeah its my b-day month, and i wanna have fun with my friends, for such a long time, i did not like celebrating my b-day, but this year i do, i love hanging out with my friends it feels good to be around all the ppl i love, thats what its all about, having fun, having fun, having fun
the rest will align at my favor, love u

Date: 05/25/26

Mood: Feelin Down

things end

im in a mood today, lots been happening in my personal, but we pushing through. ive been in a weird disconnect after my extended trip, my friends and family keep me sane. im not gunna talk about it on here. but there is a feeling that lingers and i know will go away soon, but still its hard. ive been offered some cool opportunities that i have on the back burner, my cards told me not to pile to much at once. im trying but i truly want everything. hard to choose when u want it all. but anyways ive been working on myself, and that makes me feel good, but there is more i need to do....

On a more positive note i figured out how to coordinate my Blog based on time, so now if you click the year and the months it takes you to those prompts, YEEEEEEHAAAAAAWWWW
that was stressing me out for a bit, at least this blog is done pretty much, just gunna keep adding prompts and all that, as time goes on.

Ive been listening to alot of music, lot of new albums, every time i think of my music collection subpage, and how i need to add these albums on there as a record hahaha, geeeeez i love music, it truly heals me. i want to make some of my own one day truly.
i havent written in a while, i used to write everyday literally, and ive been thinking lately why tf havent i been on that, i feel like parts of me have been erased, as if i left my body and came back with new ideas or something, my trip to mex truly impacted my life, who was i before, i think and think, i miss reading, having my nose in a good book. i miss having a lover and playing with rope, i miss consistency, within my professional life. what is this we do, what is this life we live, roles and roles and roles and roles and roles, all role playing..
every person playing a role in in each one of our lives, who are these people, who are you people, yet im so thankful, ive been very cautious on who i decide to spend my time and energy with...
i am valuable and my time and energy are valuable. and anyone that doesnt see that CAN DIE...

Date: 03/10/26

Mood: feelin open

New Start

Ive been in Mexico for a Month now, and im in the headspace of not really wanting to Go back "home"... The Idea of home has been an unsteady boat for me starting last year, and its been a Goal, a thought, that ive been yearning for, for quite some time now. Ive been really thinking about what to do next in my life and what to focus my energy on, and i have a good idea now of what i want to do and how to get it. and it feels refreshing to me, to feel this way. Home is such an important place for me and to really feel at home somewhere, is to the max importance, ive lived in places that always partially felt like home, and i would gaslight myself to make myself comfortable with the idea of being able to make a home anywhere and with anyone.. but as time goes on i can only be honest with myself, and i choose honesty over clinging to an idea of what could be, i have to see things for what they are.
and that in itself has changed my view on what, and where i call home, but has also made me restless to not settle anywhere. i feel as if i have not yet found my home, and as a cancer women feeling as if i have no home breaks me in a way... makes me feel insane and unsafe

i found myself, taking solo trips to places to distract myself of my instability mentally, and i am very thankful that doing so and going where my lil heart desires has brought me alot of peace. being here among my family in mexico has healed a part of my heart that felt empty, and now i feel a motivation i feel would have been impossible to reach if i would of stayed home..

Ive Been yearning, for quite sometime now, feeling as if my cup was only half full, ive lived an interesting life so far In the US, and i wonder whats next, i dont see myself living in FL any longer, i want more. which is why i decided i want to come live full time in Mexico. but in order for me to do that i must close chapters and resolve some problems that i left hanging over yonder.

It feels right inside, but also scary, change is exciting to me, but the thought of moving to a new country to find community freaks me out a bit, i want more friends that share my interests and nationality and i hope to find that when i make the big move over. its gunna take a while to get all that i need to get done, but that is my dream Right now. Fuck America.

Date: 02/08/26

Mood: Processing

Mexico trip

Im going on a trip tmmr. leaving to mexico for a while, trying to figure some stuff out, lots of change has been happening in my life, and i am on the verge of figuring out what to do next, the thought of moving out of the country has been really calling me, and i am going with the flow of what i want to do. things feel right and aligned, but a part of me is still trying to figure out how to hold the pistol so i can pull the trigger, if you catch my drift. i am loading. and i havent even been able to really focus on my website the way ive wanted to. still have to figure this page out to align my timing and have all pretty and organized, ive been stalling on using this site because of that. but fuck it. ima just keep blogging until i figure it out so deal with this un organized mess of a site hahahaha. im still pulling all of this out my A** lowkey.

THINGS WILL WORKOUT BECAUSE I AM INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to see the world and experince new things. doing things i wouldnt normally do really help me, they help me heal and they help me grow, and this trip is dedicated to that. being in a new place and experincing life else were. guys we can do whatever we want. and dont ever let anyone tell you you cant.
USE YOUR FREE WILL DAILY. ITS ALL WE HAVE

FUCK THE SYSTEM

LIVE LIFE AND LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST

BE CRAZY, BE INSANE

DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Date: 01/20/26

Mood: Adventurous

2026

i like the idea of being in a new town at anytime, like i could literally just stop what i am doing and just do something else, somewhere else. and thats where i am at, i want things to change, and i want to be in charge of the change, it feels weird when things are wiped from under your feet.

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Date: 01/07/26

Mood: ENERGIZED

2026

its a new year and i have some ideas

IDEAS FOR THIS PAGE

  • ♡ make it time coordinated
  • ♡ add a welcome screen

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Date: 12/30/25

Mood: feelin good

Been Dreaming

so ive been feeling very femm these past couple of days, i got my nails done, and am feeling cunty. that being said ive been having strange dreams, like last night i dreamt of my nails coming off and woke up to check on them just in case 2nd dream like that. last nights dream my natural nails were atleast growing in but they were resembling like a cats nail hahaahhaha. anyways im not bothered by those dreams, they just make me wonder, like do i secretly want my nails off? who knows? they feel like apart of my identity currently.. but i would indeed not be interested in losing a nail. i like the way my hands look as of rn, especially since i use my hands alot, like for coding hehe. typing feels different but i can adjust heheh.. anyways it feels nice to feel like a grl esp as this year ends, very needed feeling for me at least. weird that this year is coming to a close, this year sucked for me but there were some good things that came with this year like..

  • ♡ Discovering Neocities!
  • ♡ Going to Epic Universe.
  • ♡ Going to Sav, GA.
  • ♡ Having a Pen Pal Crush.
  • ♡ Establishing Good/Real Relationships w people.
  • ♡ Got 3 New Tattoos.
  • ♡ Stopped Supporting Target!
  • ♡ Stopped paying for Spotify!
  • ♡ Have a Better understanding of Who i am, and what it is i am looking for when it comes to a home, Love, Career.
  • ♡ Saw Hackers on the big screen.
  • ♡ Learned how to code.
  • ♡ Been less afriad to do things.
  • ♡ I Feel comfortable speaking up for myself.
  • ♡ Not scared of going out and getting what i want.
  • ♡ Not Scared to go out and adventure on my own.
  • ♡ I feel Liberated from the feeling of only doing things with others, i refuse to wait around for others to be on my time, if they are, cool. if not, cool. thats not going to stop me from doing whatever tf i want!
  • ♡ Self Love became a prioriy for me this year, If its not aiding in my growth i am dropping it, if a place doesnt feel aligned with me, I am Leaving, if someone doesnt feel right for me, i am distancing myself from them. i refuse to put myself in situations and think i have to endure them. NOPE i dont have to endure ANYTHING, AND I WONT. Especially if it messes with my mental health. for so long ive endured sm shi, i refuse to continue and suppress myself IN ANYWAY. PERIOD

This year has been a stress filled year,it was a nightmare all the way up till oct truthfully, everything else before that can be wiped erased, I NEVER WANT TO SEE IT. the hardships i endurd made me aggressive, im so thankful for Hardcore Music and my true friends, Music saved me, my true friends saved me

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Date: 12/10/25

Mood: meep

Feelin myself

Questions of the day. do i just choose the wrong people? do i even choose at all and these people just gravitate towords me?

Anyways, im still thinking of getting my photos taken, not on the "samantha vibe" i mentioned in my last excerpt, but more so a creative vibe, an appreciation of who i am right now, in this moment, i want some creative photos taken of me, i do feel good about the way i look in this moment, and i want beautiful professional photos taken of me, gah damn!!,i completely support this idea for myself. anyways i already asked my friend whom i trust who is a stylist/photographer whom i feel comfortable with, to make this idea more concreate. but yeah i no longer want to hide. i wanna let my leo venus thrive and shine dawg, like i heard recently that your venus sign is the sign that brings you contentness in life, also being the way you express love to the world. but yea me being a shy timid cancer, is fun and all kinda, but this leo wants to be seen, kinda you know in my own soft way, hahaha i sound like a whimp. but frfr a part of me craves to be seen and heard, and i dont necessarily shy away from the world, i still go out and do things for others that exceeed my comfort zone sometimes, i want to be able to do that for myself, with my appearence, my art, my poetry, ya know ya know. i just wanna step out of my own way and go do things ive always wanted to do like, share my poetry more often and collab with musicians hahaha its funny to me that i have all these things accessible at my fingertips but my own timidness stops me from pursuing, what a bore, what a waste, i just want to erase shyness from my life, gah damn

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Date: 12/08/25

Mood: Detached

Weird Dream

Last night i had a apocalyptic deam of some sort, and My friend "m" was in it, he was driving and i was in the passenger seat. but rewind rewind, before that i had to go to x's house to babysit one of his sibilings, which i didnt want too, but for some reason i was already there, i felt like one of his brothers hated me, but i didnt care anymore, it all got serious when my x arrived. and i felt so uncomfortable. i hate that guy, its like as soon as i see him i just dont have anything nice to say if i even have to speak to him, yuck. anyways not sure why i was even there, but i ended up being on my friend "m"s car, we were driving by water, and i noticed the water was rising, and i let him know, also may i add i had like 3 kids in the car with us, i was babysitting? anyways the water looked thick kinda jello, as if jello water was taking over... anyways we stopped at a bridge to get to high ground fast, and thats all i remember..

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Date: 12/06/25

Mood: Unpredictable/Detached/

Sex and the city

i was going to write something in here, oh yes. i was thinking about the idea of getting professional nude photos taken, insprired by samantha fron sex in the city, who got nude photos of her taken, and the self love that aspires for, to be able to have memory of your goood looks and youth. youth is a thought that passes ones head when the thought of getting older enters. does beauty actually fade? whats more beautiful whats in or out? does your personality really take play in your elder relationships, that sounds so funny to say. Being a mere mortal at the considerable age of __. ahhahahahahahaa WHATS IT TO YA.

i need to inspire myself and find something that makes me feel inspired everytime i look at it. todays goal

Also i want to make this blog, to be able to pull up different timelines, i ofically started writing in it Dec 2025 but i want it to be able to pull up different months for the upcoming years. so theres an idea. i love my layout so im not going to change that but just figure out how to make it more timeline effecient

Date: 12/04/2025

Mood: Hopeful/inspired/Loving

Super Fullmoon in Gemini

Im feeling really inspired today, ive been listening to the audio book of the "Art of Seduction by Robert Greene" i started to listen to it Yesterday, in hopes of keeping my mind busy, ive been having the crazyiest daydreams about a crush, and i just thought id stop myself for a while, and focus on the real world. and what ya know, its been working, so funny how our brains just need to be guided correctly.. anyways ive been writing alot mostly at work, on my google doc, that has kinda become my diary, so i really wanted to work on this page and it only took me all day nothing crazy, i started like around 10am while at work, and i just now 5:28pm wrapping it up and feel good about it.. can u guess my fav color? hahaha im noticing a theme going on here, i swear guys these things just happen, none of it is planned, hahahah planning sounds like to much work, when i could actually be doing the work and figuring it out as i go, and thats exactly what im doing..

This Super Fullmoon got me feeling a type of way, full moons always make me feel insane, i want to smoke like 10 cigs as i write this and mind my buisness but i always forget my laptop at home and dude this commute from work to home sucks me dry. but im on a role rn and i wanna stay up late so lets see where the night takes me... Apperently this full moon is setting the tone for the New year and i feel really good, noting that the beginning of this year was so incrediably terrible. but alot has changed. and more is to change too. idk but i feel fucking amazing today!!!!!!! just wish i could see my crush so i could give them the biggest kissssss

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