ANOTHERBLOG

Ive been in Mexico for a Month now, and im in the headspace of not really wanting to Go back "home"... The Idea of home has been an unsteady boat for me starting last year, and its been a Goal, a thought, that ive been yearning for, for quite some time now. Ive been really thinking about what to do next in my life and what to focus my energy on, and i have a good idea now of what i want to do and how to get it. and it feels refreshing to me, to feel this way. Home is such an important place for me and to really feel at home somewhere, is to the max importance, ive lived in places that always partially felt like home, and i would gaslight myself to make myself comfortable with the idea of being able to make a home anywhere and with anyone.. but as time goes on i can only be honest with myself, and i choose honesty over clinging to an idea of what could be, i have to see things for what they are.
and that in itself has changed my view on what, and where i call home, but has also made me restless to not settle anywhere. i feel as if i have not yet found my home, and as a cancer women feeling as if i have no home breaks me in a way... makes me feel insane and unsafe

i found myself, taking solo trips to places to distract myself of my instability mentally, and i am very thankful that doing so and going where my lil heart desires has brought me alot of peace. being here among my family in mexico has healed a part of my heart that felt empty, and now i feel a motivation i feel would have been impossible to reach if i would of stayed home..

Ive Been yearning, for quite sometime now, feeling as if my cup was only half full, ive lived an interesting life so far In the US, and i wonder whats next, i dont see myself living in FL any longer, i want more. which is why i decided i want to come live full time in Mexico. but in order for me to do that i must close chapters and resolve some problems that i left hanging over yonder.

It feels right inside, but also scary, change is exciting to me, but the thought of moving to a new country to find community freaks me out a bit, i want more friends that share my interests and nationality and i hope to find that when i make the big move over. its gunna take a while to get all that i need to get done, but that is my dream Right now. Fuck America.

Im going on a trip tmmr. leaving to mexico for a while, trying to figure some stuff out, lots of change has been happening in my life, and i am on the verge of figuring out what to do next, the thought of moving out of the country has been really calling me, and i am going with the flow of what i want to do. things feel right and aligned, but a part of me is still trying to figure out how to hold the pistol so i can pull the trigger, if you catch my drift. i am loading. and i havent even been able to really focus on my website the way ive wanted to. still have to figure this page out to align my timing and have all pretty and organized, ive been stalling on using this site because of that. but fuck it. ima just keep blogging until i figure it out so deal with this un organized mess of a site hahahaha. im still pulling all of this out my A** lowkey.

THINGS WILL WORKOUT BECAUSE I AM INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to see the world and experince new things. doing things i wouldnt normally do really help me, they help me heal and they help me grow, and this trip is dedicated to that. being in a new place and experincing life else were. guys we can do whatever we want. and dont ever let anyone tell you you cant.
USE YOUR FREE WILL DAILY. ITS ALL WE HAVE

FUCK THE SYSTEM

LIVE LIFE AND LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST

BE CRAZY, BE INSANE

DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

i like the idea of being in a new town at anytime, like i could literally just stop what i am doing and just do something else, somewhere else. and thats where i am at, i want things to change, and i want to be in charge of the change, it feels weird when things are wiped from under your feet.

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its a new year and i have some ideas

IDEAS FOR THIS PAGE

• ♡ make it time coordinated
• ♡ add a welcome screen

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so ive been feeling very femm these past couple of days, i got my nails done, and am feeling cunty. that being said ive been having strange dreams, like last night i dreamt of my nails coming off and woke up to check on them just in case 2nd dream like that. last nights dream my natural nails were atleast growing in but they were resembling like a cats nail hahaahhaha. anyways im not bothered by those dreams, they just make me wonder, like do i secretly want my nails off? who knows? they feel like apart of my identity currently.. but i would indeed not be interested in losing a nail. i like the way my hands look as of rn, especially since i use my hands alot, like for coding hehe. typing feels different but i can adjust heheh.. anyways it feels nice to feel like a grl esp as this year ends, very needed feeling for me at least. weird that this year is coming to a close, this year sucked for me but there were some good things that came with this year like..

• ♡ Discovering Neocities!
• ♡ Going to Epic Universe.
• ♡ Going to Sav, GA.
• ♡ Having a Pen Pal Crush.
• ♡ Establishing Good/Real Relationships w people.
• ♡ Got 3 New Tattoos.
• ♡ Stopped Supporting Target!
• ♡ Stopped paying for Spotify!
• ♡ Have a Better understanding of Who i am, and what it is i am looking for when it comes to a home, Love, Career.
• ♡ Saw Hackers on the big screen.
• ♡ Learned how to code.
• ♡ Been less afriad to do things.
• ♡ I Feel comfortable speaking up for myself.
• ♡ Not scared of going out and getting what i want.
• ♡ Not Scared to go out and adventure on my own.
• ♡ I feel iberated from the feeling of only doing things with others, i refuse to wait around for others to be on my time, if they are, cool. if not, cool. thats not going to stop me from doing whatever tf i want!
• ♡ Self Love became a prioriy for me this year, If its not aiding in my growth i am dropping it, if a place doesnt feel aligned with me, I am Leaving, if someone doesnt feel right for me, i am distancing myself from them. i refuse to put myself in situations and think i have to endure them. NOPE i dont have to endure ANYTHING, AND I WONT. Especially if it messes with my mental health. for so long ive endured sm shi, i refuse to continue and suppress myself IN ANYWAY. PERIOD

This year has been a stress filled year,it was a nightmare all the way up till oct truthfully, everything else before that can be wiped erased, I NEVER WANT TO SEE IT. the hardships i endurd made me aggressive, im so thankful for Hardcore Music and my true friends, Music saved me, my true friends saved me

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I woke up not feeling very good about myself, and where i am in life rn, although i am doing pretty good, alot of failed relationships with people have led me to this place in life, and also in thought, people really aint shit, i'll tell you that. craving intamate connections and then being betrayed is not a fun feeling, my heart heals but its still heartbreaking in a way, especially when you see others thriving in close friendships, do i just choose the wrong people? do i even choose at all and these people just gravitate towords me? anyways i am happy with the connections i have now, but in a way i am scared to be closer to these people, is that just a defense mechanism, at this point? i like my distance now.

Anyways, im still thinking of getting my photos taken, not on the "samantha vibe" i mentioned in my last excerpt, but more so a creative vibe, an appreciation of who i am right now, in this moment, i want some creative photos taken of me, i want to feel good about them and just feel good about myself, and my body, not that i dont already kinda, but i just want to be captured. i realize ive never had a solo photoshoot, kinda.. or atleast one of my own planning. ive been a model for others visions but i just never felt like it captured me, in a way i like.. and i want to be captured in my own style and not in the style of another. i think its important to see ones own beauty and feel confident within, and although i can say i am no model, at all means. i do feel good about the way i look in this moment, and i want beautiful professional photos taken of me, gah damn, i am in no way conceited at all, but i do however have appreciation for myself and my outer beauty as well as others and i completely support this idea for myself. anyways i already asked my friend whom i trust who is a stylist/photographer whom i feel comfortable with, to make this idea more concreate. but yeah i no longer want to hide. and in a way ive always felt like ive hidden myself, my beauty, my talents, and i wanna let my leo venus thrive and shine dawg, like i heard recently that your venus sign is the sign that brings you contentness in life, also being the way you express love to the world. but yea me being a shy timid cancer, is fun and all kinda, but this leo wants to be seen, kinda you know in my own soft way, hahaha i sound like a whimp. but frfr a part of me craves to be seen and heard, and i dont necessarily shy away from the world, i still go out and do things for others that exceeed my comfortzone sometimes, i want to be able to do that for myself, with my appearence, my art, my poetry, ya know ya know. i just wanna step out of my own way and go do things ive always wanted to do like, share my poetry more often and collab with musicians hahaha its funny to me that i have all these things accessible at my fingertips but my own timidness stops me from pursuing, what a bore, what a waste, i just want to erase shyness from my life, gah damn

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Last night i had a apocalyptic deam of some sort, and My friend "M" was in it, he was driving and i was in the passenger seat. but rewind rewind, before that i had to go to x's house to babysit one of his sibilings, which i didnt want too, but for some reason i was already there, i felt like one of his brothers hated me, but i didnt care anymore, it all got serious when my x arrived. and i felt so uncomfortable. i hate that guy, its like as soon as i see him i just dont have anything nice to say if i even have to speak to him, yuck. anyways not sure why i was even there, but i ended up being on my friend "M"s car, we were driving by water, and i noticed the water was rising, and i let him know, also may i add i had like 3 kids in the car with us, i was babysitting? anyways the water looked thick kinda jello, as if jello water was taking over... anyways we stopped at a bridge to get to high ground fast, and thats all i remember..

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i was going to write someting in here, oh yes. i was thinking about the idea of getting professional nude photos taken, insprired by samantha fron sex in the city, who got nude photos of her taken, and the self love that aspires for, to be able to have memory of your goood looks and youth. youth is a thought that passes ones head when the thought of getting older enters. does beauty actually fade? whats more beautiful whats in or out? does your personality really take play in your elder relationships, that sounds so funny to say. Being a mere mortal at the considerable age of 28. ahhahahahahahaa WHATS IT TO YA.

i need to inspire myself and find something that makes me feel inspired everytime i look at it. todays goal

Also i want to make this blog, to be able to pull up differnt timelines, i ofically started writing in it Dec 2025 but i want it to be able to pull up different months for the upcoming years. so theres an idea. i love my layout so im not going to change that but just figure out how to make it more timeline effecient

Im feeling really inspired today, ive been listening to the audio book of the "Art of Seduction by Robert Greene" i started to listen to it Yesterday, in hopes of keeping my mind busy, ive been having the crazyiest daydreams about a crush, and i just thought id stop myself for a while, and focus on the real world. and what ya know, its been working, so funny how our brains just need to be guided correctly.. anyways ive been writing alot mostly at work, on my google doc, that has kinda become my diary, so i really wanted to work on this page and it only took me all day nothing crazy, i started like around 10am while at work, and i just now 5:28pm wrapping it up and feel good about it.. can u guess my fav color? hahaha im noticing a theme going on here, i swear guys these things just happen, none of it is planned, hahahah planning sounds like to much work, when i could actually be doing the work and figuring it out as i go, and thats exactly what im doing..

This Super Fullmoon got me feeling a type of way, full moons always make me feel insane, i want to smoke like 10 cigs as i write this and mind my buisness but i always forget my laptop at home and dude this commute from work to home sucks me dry. but im on a role rn and i wanna stay up late so lets see where the night takes me... Apperently this full moon is setting the tone for the New year and i feel really good, noting that the beginning of this year was so incrediably terrible. but alot has changed. and more is to change too. idk but i feel fucking amazing today!!!!!!! just wish i could see my crush so i could give them the biggest kissssss

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